Bitchin' dance-rock. Who wouldn't like some? Fascists, that's who. For those of you who'd like to get the dancing shoes a-rockin', The Maynards have your fix. Sef engaged these darlings of the Halifax indie scene in the cheekiest of e-mail exchanges and may have even learned a thing or two along the way...

THE MAYNARDS, EH'¦THAT'S A NAME THAT COULD ONLY BE INSPIRED BY THE NEW ENGLAND TOWN, THE MIDDLE NAME OF A SEMINAL 20TH CENTURY ECONOMIST, OR A WORLD-RENOWNED DEVELOPER OF WORKFORCE PERFORMANCE TOOLS. SO WHICH ONE IS IT?
Are you trying to out clever us? ' Cause we got Google too, ya know. It could still be the wine gums or the singer from Tool or the all girls school in Exeter. Or perhaps it was the best we could come up with before we started to sober up and had to cab it back to Maynard Street.

YOU'RE A SELF-DESCRIBED 'œMUSICAL DECONSTRUCTIONIST MOVEMENT'?. THAT SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE BOOK LEARNIN'. WHAT THE DEVIL DOES THAT MEAN, AND IS A PASSING GRADE IN '˜INTRO TO PHILOSOPHY' NECESSARY TO 'œGET'? THE MAYNARDS?
When you type "will party for money" into the random rock-bio generator it comes up with 'œmusical deconstructionist movement'? which ultimately sounded better than "music so stupid, it will make you horny". Or does it? You've really given us a lot to think about. You can't blame a band who is releasing what is basically a "make out" concept album for overcompensating in their press package can you? The deconstructionist part comes from the idea that if you were to take any pop album and boil all the smarts and solos and fancy rbymin' out of them, what you'll find is that they are all make-out concept albums. Pre-Boiled Party Rock. Yep, that's what we're sellin'.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR ON-STAGE PERSONAS?
We're a lot like the Spice Girls in that we each have our distinct flavor. Kristina is "Disinterested Bookish Spice". Heath is "Why Is He Yelling at The Crowd Spice" and Chantal is "I Hope That They Don't Think I'm a Jumbo Slut 'cause I Sing all the Dirty Songs Spice".

KRISTINA'S FABULOUS, VOLUMINOUS '˜DO: HOW'D IT GET THAT WAY, AND HAS IT EVER BEEN INTRODUCED TO A VAN DE GRAAFF ELECTROSTATIC GENERATOR?
She was raised by a pack of Barbet sheep dogs and no, we don't let her near our electrostatic equipment.

THE HALIFAX INDIE SCENE: ALL LOVE AND ROCKETS, OR VICIOUS BACK ALLEY KNIFE FIGHT?
It's like Nerds Gone Wild all the time... er ... maybe I don't understand the question.

HAVE YOU PLAYED TORONTO BEFORE? ARE YOU EXPECTING US TO ROCK?
Goddamn right we're expecting you to rock. If you think you can get out of rocking just because it's Sunday and you're sleepy and tomorrow is a school day, well you can just think again. The Maynards plan to unleash such a fury of dance/rock/make out hits that you will be ashamed, nay, mortified that you, Toronto, even thought about getting out of rocking with us.
And no, we have never played Toronto before.

DID THE MAYNARDS REALLY STEAL MY LUNCH MONEY? BECAUSE THAT'S NOT COOL, GUY.
Like you didn't have it comin', four eyes.

By Sef Chromulated