CALEXICO

Black Heart (City Slang, www.cityslang.com)
Following really close on the heels of the excellent Convict Pool EP, and much harder to find (City Slang vs. Quarterstick '” you are outta here), this will be forgotten. Which is unfortunate, because it's pretty interesting. Basically a maxi-single for 'œBlack Heart,'? one of the standout tracks from Calexico's last full-length, Feast of Wire, its extra tracks are a series of remixes, all staying true to the source while veering completely off course. Jazzanova turn Black Heart into an eight-minute funky jam, 'œAttack El Robot, Attack!,'? the weirdest song on Feast of Wire, is submerged and murked up a bunch, the remixes of 'œGuero Canelo'? and 'œPepita'? mellow the songs considerably, and the enhanced portion of the disc is very cool, if only on first viewing. Calexico have made an art out of delivering excellent EPs. Here's hoping their next full-length holds up. '” AG
File next to: Contemporary Southern Americana Mariachi Folk, remixed.

MIKE CLARK

Darker Machines (Copperspine, www.copperspine.com)
This album has a nice look to it. Pretty photography, decent layout... basically just a nice looking little package. I found, though, when first listening to it, it had a generic vibe to it that I couldn't get past. Sounding like it wanted to be as much Hayden as it did Byrds, originally it irked me in a bad way. Listening to it a second time, half-drunken and feeling down, the record had a better reception (from me). It's nothing extremely innovative, and it does try for a Hayden meets Byrds meets Grandaddy vibe for too much of the time, but it's nice. The opening track 'œDown'? is a particularly nice slice of sad-core for those late nights... at home... alone... empty bed... '” AG
File next to: Hayden, nu-folk, overachievers try harder.

COCKLENGTH

(written + directed by Jeremy Finkelstein, starring Finkelstein + Sook-Yin Lee)
BEST PLAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well... best-ever semi-improv stage play that's partly a satire of this humble/hubristic music series and zine. Jeremy Finkelstein plays himself as a self-absorbed young artist, spearing his own craving for acceptance from girls and the music scene. He becomes obsessed with the weekly music series Cocklength, and his constant rejection by its asshole promoter, Jonny Dovercourt. Nick Flanagan needed to work on my mannerisms , though he did nail my phone pick-up . To be fair, I don't think he saw the script until 8pm that night. Duncan MacDonell, however, stole the show '” he got Duncan MacDonell (c. 2000-'01) down exactly. Finkelstein's Finkelstein eventually learns not to care what other people think, and the Cocklength community learns to Accept Him For Who He Is. At least I think so '” I kind of missed the ending when I was trying to rush the stage. To deliver hugs. Honest. Really. I hadn't belly-laughed this hard since the preceding Thursday's game of Manhunt. Funniest moment of spontaneous self-reflexity? 'œWow... I get to fuck Sook-Yin Lee!'? Oh yeah, kudos to Dan Vila for his spot-on send-up of this zine as the evening's programme '” now I know who to call on when I get sick of editing this motherfucker. But guy, I'd never use the word 'œbiatch.'? That's sexist. '” JD
File next to: YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN, FINKELSTEIN!

DAVID CROSS

It's Not Funny (Sub Pop, www.subpop.com)
Yes, it is. Very fucking funny, in fact. The only problems '” and I don't mean to make it all about finding problems '” are: 1. This will prevent you from using your own brain and wits (such as they are) to come up with your own jokes. For sheer quotability, David Cross (he of Mr. Show fame, for those of you in the no-cable/DVD dark, now the indie nation's Bush-baiting stand-up of choice) is in danger of becoming the new Simpsons. 2. For some reason (and this relates back to #1), it is totally impossible to listen past track eight on any comedy CD, so you're going to be hearing (or using) a lot more of 'œI'm sorry, your baby is fucking boring'? or Trent Lott on BET ('œThe niggers got their own TV station?!'?) than retellings of David's hilarious meeting with Scott Stapp of ex-Creed (thank the golden streets of heaven for that, by the way!). I promise to listen to the second half again sometime, then act like I thought up the jokes myself. '” JD
File next to: Bill Hicks, Jon Stewart, Bob Odenkirk.

FAUST VS. DALEK

Derbe Respect, Alder (Staubgold, www.staubgold.com)
Damn, get ready for something completely different '” Krautrock luminaries and genuine sound pioneers Faust team up with New Jersey avant-hip-hop group Dalek '” what? Seriously. This is possibly one of the most unexpected collaborations to come along; who knew Faust even listened to hip-hop? Not me. Anyway, in its detailed liners, Derbe Respect, Alder details the friendship (both creative and social) that Faust and Dalek developed while Dalek were touring in Berlin, and the results are nothing short of amazing. Already noisy producer Oktopus lays down some blunted anti-beats that are even more distorted when the Faust dudes get their hands all over them '” dirty beats then rapped over by Dalek himself, in a suitably intense fashion. It doesn't work all of the time; rhythm is sometimes forgotten in favour of experimentation, and often things get a little too noisy, but all in all this is really worthwhile. Heads trying to get into something new would be wise to check it out. Likewise, Krautrock and psych freaks will get a taste of hip-hop... and hopefully want some more. Decent. '” AG
File next to: Collaboration, friendship, Germany, New York.

GOLDIROCKS

(director: Paula Tiberius, starring Sasha Ormond, Dominick Abrams)
I am so glad that in my years of involvement in music, I have never encountered this scene, and moreover, does this Toronto even exist? There are few things more depressing than a lifestyle that consists of sleeping with musicians who play to an empty Lee's Palace on a Tuesday night, but that's kind of beside the point. Maybe it's asking too much, but I think a film about undiscovered talents should actually feature some, and the choices made in this film lead me to believe the director did not look too hard. Musically, the difference between the pre-Goldi band that struggles to get by, and the overnight sensation they become with her, is so minimal I can only assume that the crowds at their shows are bigger because people have heard this chick gets around, and are hoping to get some. The best thing about watching Goldirocks was discovering that a guy I went to high school is in it, and is pretty hot now. It's not bad, but I suspect it's actually about the Pittsburgh music scene. '” KAT
File next to: Catwalk set at the Bovine.

HITZ EXPREZZ

Playing the Harsez (Huron Street Hunt Club, www.huronstreethuntclub.com)
Why is it nobody tells me when there's something I'm going to love the fucking shit out of (XBXRX? ANYONE?!?) but instead, I'm forced to find it ON MY OWN? Well, that's what's happened here. This is easily the best thing for me and me alone since the Hemol record two years ago, and absolutely the best drum machines and weird frequencies that piss roommates off and samples music I have gotten into since Duran Duran Duran. Also, you know I love this, because I'm not high-fiving you over Wolf Eyes. Or Joanna Newsom. Or Devendra Banhart. No, I'm high-fiving myself for buying the fucking shit out of this record. Slap. '” MFC
File next to: All the amazing shit I know and you don't because you like what your friends like.

HORNS OF HAPPINESS

A Sea as a Shore (Secretly Canadian, www.secretlycanadian.com)
Perhaps the most diverse label in the world '” ranging from Jason Molina's bleak folk to the hardcore craziness of Racebannon '” also offers some of the worst stuff. Not so in the case of the new (only?) Horns of Happiness album. It sounds like a cross between the Flaming Lips, Dump, and some strange psychedelic concoction. Its 15 tracks never stay true to one course; there are so many moments on this album that genuinely take me by surprise. It is nice. For instance, the casual three-second break in 'œJoyous Laughing Wake,'? or the bizarre synth swells in 'œOf Whistling and Wine.'? There is a melancholia here, too, but tempered with some of the bounciest, happiest psych-pop around, to create something that never floats away on its own private cloud but never strays too close to earth. What a terrible metaphor! '” AG
File next to: 'œIt's kind of like your favourite band...'?

IMMACULATE MACHINE

Transporter (www.immaculatemachine.com)
This is what happens to kids who fail art school: they get a guitar, a keyboard, and a drum kit. Then they get together and write songs that they think are good. Then one day at band practice one of them says, 'œHey guys, we should record an album!'? '” and somehow someone gives them the OK to do so. Then, during the recording of the songs, someone says, 'œHey guys, we should all try to sing like we've been professionally trained! Even though we haven't!'? Then someone else is like, 'œYeah! And let's use the F-word in a couple of songs!'? Later they all decide to make the first song the one that starts off with this pretty cool guitar part that makes you think you're going to like the album. But then after the almost redeeming hand-clap breakdown, the song/album dies. Then one of them gets his mom/sister to do the cover art and credits her in the liner notes. Shit, I hope I do well in school next year. '” AW
File next to: The opinions expressed are those of the participants and not of the sponsor; Immaculate Machine play Wavelength on July 18 at 10pm.

ROBIN JUDGE

Pattern (Noise Factory, www.noisefactoryrecords.com; www.robinjudge.com)
Robin Judge's commitment to purpose is vicious. Pattern is so minimal that calling her music 'œmicrohouse'? doesn't do it justice: nanohouse would be better. Drawing from a miniscule sound palette of vinyl dust scratches, delayed dripping noises, softly swelling pads, sine wave sub-bass, filtered hi-hats, and omnipresent, barely-there 4/4 thump, Judge has created a work that exists in the same conceptual sphere as Brian Eno's 'œholographic'? pieces '” any brief section of Pattern is essentially representative of the whole. Pattern is positively glacial. Judge introduces motifs gradually and allows ideas to unfold and develop incredibly slowly, which puts it smack in the middle of 'œambient'? territory: this record is just begging to be ignored. However, the production is so crisp and the music is so sparse and linear that I doubt Pattern will reward repeated close listening, unless you happen to be on drugs that I've probably never even heard of; there's little that's hidden to uncover. Pattern is gentle and pleasant, but halfway through it you'll ache, ACHE for a solid snare drum. '” GC
File next to: NyQuil

LIL' FLIP

U Gotta Feel Me (Clover G/Sucka Free/Sony Urban Music)
Not only is he right there on the goddamn cover of The Source with J Kwon, but he also has a fucking DOUBLE ALBUM. And look at who the fuck else is on it: Killer Mike, DAVID FUCKING BANNER (of course), Ludacris, Three 6 Mafia, Cam'Ron... how could it not be good? HOW COULD IT? The track 'œSunshine (ft. Lea)'? should be huge by August based on the beat alone. Also, the production rules all over this. IT HAS DAVID BANNER ON IT. That kills your love of the new Sixtoo about, oh, seven times, and you stop mentioning Damo Suzuki after your third death. Oh, fuck yeah, also look out for the Will Lean album. LONG LIVE THE SOUTH! FUCK YOU, YANKEE! This makes me so over T.I., the rest of the staff thinks I've gone completely mental. '” MFC
File next to: BUY THIS RIGHT NOW, EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT IT (like I told you to) OR J KWON. ALSO BUY IT AND J KWON OR I WILL SHOW YOU NO LOVE.

LOW

A Lifetime of Temporary Relief (Chairkickers, www.chairkickers.com)
A Lifetime of Temporary Relief is a three-CD, one-DVD, ten-year retrospective of Duluth, MN, Mormon slow-core/sad-core/whatever-core pioneers, Low, focusing on b-sides, rarities and previously unreleased material. This sampler is just a little teaser of what a treasure chest the actual box set (to be released July 20) will be. The alternate version of 'œI Remember,'? with added loops and Mimi Parker on lead vocals, reworks one of the least remarkable songs from 1999's Secret Name into a new favourite. The exquisite, strings-laden, 'œBecause You Stood Still,'? further proves my theory that only the cleverest bands out there demote some of their best songs to B-side status. This sampler further cements Low's status in my favourite bands of all-time list, and leaves me itching to hear the rest of the box set. '” SB
File next to: You can send me a copy of the box set directly to my doorstep, please.

THE MICROPHONES

with Pipi 'œWoelv'? Migou and Ninja High School @ The Music Gallery, June 12.
After a somewhat disconcertingly rockish set by opening band Ninja High School, and an engaging solo performance of delicately plucked guitar and soaring French vocals by Pipi Migou, a hush fell over the assembled at The Music Gallery. Phil Elvrum, aka the Microphones, sat at St. George the Martyr's church organ and began plucking out notes. Moving to the stage and taking up his guitar after one song, he already had the audience in a spell. Several songs into his set, remarking that the acoustics of the space were pleasant, Phil decided that this would be the perfect setting for a sing-along. He proceeded to teach us simple parts of his songs with the patience and confidence and humour of a true teacher, and after a few repetitions of each round, started to play and sing with the accompaniment of hundreds of soft voices. It was an eerie, magical, wonderful sound filling the sanctuary. A more perfect space could not be had for the experience of those songs with that voice and that guitar with us, a chorus, all the audience and all the performer that evening. '” JL
File next to: Singalong choruses are the new dancing.

NINA NASTASIA

Dogs (Touch and Go, www.tgrec.com)
Better than Cat Power, better than Mirah, but sounding kind of like both of them. Nina Nastasia's first album, Dogs, has been reissued as Dogs, which is neat, because it was out of print for so long. It shows the same kind of songwriting that was present on The Blackened Air '” shorter songs with a lot of emotional resonance. And, while not quite on the same level as that album, it's still pretty great. 'œJudy's in the Sandbox'? has a neat cello bit that I like, and the opening and closing tracks that are just Nina on guitar are among the best things she's done. Seek this out because it is well worth your time. '” AG
File next to: Songs: Ohia, Palace, Smog, Plush, Bonnie 'œPrince'? Billy, Brother JT.

NORMANOAK

Born a Black Diamond (Secretly Canadian, www.secretlycanadian.com)
It's like Fairport Convention... in the 21st century. Whatever that means. Basically, this sounds like a '60s peace-love retread; it is pretty interesting for what it is, with fuzzy guitars, Anglophilic lyrical styling, and crashing drums that are sometimes mixed with synths. It has a definite overall vibe to it '” the kind of false gloom that a concept album about gloom has about it (not counting the new Liars '” that is some insane gloom). You'd have to read the liners, but apparently NormanOak began as a glacier, stopped, melted, was drank by a coyote, killed by a car, only to become a tree, a tree who is awakened by a woodpecker's pecking. Yeah. But in its own way it works. '” AG
File next to: Is there still room on the broom?

RJD2

Since We Last Spoke (Definitive Jux, www.definitivejux.net)
Since we last spoke, RJD2 has changed his sound completely, much in the way Manitoba leader Dan Snaith made a 360 on Up in Flames, from standard-electro to beautiful trippy psych music to expand the mind. RJ has done a similar thing, except instead of electro to psych, he's gone from hip-hop to soul. It kind of makes sense, if you think about it; they are sort of the logical equivalent to each other. This album is going to be hated for a lot of reasons, not the first of which is the complete lack of similarity to 2002's Deadringer, but it shouldn't be hated. The African soul-funk vibe of 'œ1976'? is like !!! if they weren't so ironic, and 'œMaking Days Longer'? is the whitest Marvin Gaye jam you'll ever hear. And that's a good thing! In the same way it's interesting to chart Manitoba's path right now, it will be similarly interesting to chart RJ's. Will this album be a fluke? I know he still produces, but will the soul-touch touch his other work? Time will tell. I'm hoping he sticks to this for a while yet. '” AG
File next to: Old-school soul, On the Corner, the 1970s.

WAX MANNEQUIN

The Price (Coqi, www.coqirecords.com)
It's difficult to convey what is so wrong about this, but we'll start off imagining this guy writing lyrics and saying 'œTouche!'? to himself a lot. Following that, I'll point out that wacky sincerity marks a maturing Wax Mannequin, breaking our hearts with pit-of-the-stomach meowing... (also, why do indie labels insist on having 'œrecords'? in their names? It's the label equivalent of 'œthe'? amongst band names) Where was I? Oh yeah, what's so wrong with this. It's like Chad Kroeger and Bob Pollard got scrambled in a teleportation device and went crazy in the same body and moved in with me and started only listening to the goddamn Frogs. No wait, it's even more terrifyingly real than that '” it's like one of those guys who listens to music for all the wrong reasons and subsequently listens to all the wrong music and reasons that you should too ('œNo, listen to The Aging Musician again. I think The Residents point out some of the inherent ironies of rock'n'roll culture'?) recorded an album, complete with witticisms about contemporary music ('œNow is your chance to dance'? '” Touche!) and then released it for your listening pleasure. '” MFC
File next to: 'œNow is your chance to dance.'? Touche!

BOB WISEMAN

It's True! (Blocks, www.blocksblocksblocks.com)
Bob Wiseman writes fun, clever, dance-folk songs with LOL-funny lyrics. Standout track 'œCousin Dave'? recounts a letter that Wiseman supposedly wrote to his supposed cousin, David Geffen, with some career advice (re-hire Gary Gersh, just to fire him, drop Guns N' Roses, and 'œby the way, I could use a record deal in the States'?). It's one of those kinds of songs I'd put on a mix CD, trying to get my dad into indie bands. I'm tempted to call It's True! a great summertime CD, but it's probably a good anytime CD. '” SB
File next to: Drinking beer with Dad.

YOUNG HEART ATTACK

Mouthful of Love (XL, www.xlrecordings.com)
This party rock is too much for your party, so I don't know why you'd even bother. I know you, and you're not even up to the challenge '” you nurse your beers, the idea of you pumping your fist embarrasses me, and you only ever do lame shots (like vodka). If you want to catch up here, you have to stop peeling your labels and start tossing your empties over the roof into the front yard and screaming 'œI'm in LOOOOOOOOOOVE!'? while your girlfriend/boyfriend takes way too big gulps from a bottle of Cyclon and lets out a 'œWOO!'? every time he/she sees anyone he/she knows as well as anytime anyone does anything, like take a drink or light a cigarette. We're talking partying where you smoke up and don't get all introspective, where all the conversation is about partying that has happened, is happening and will happen, and where making out is hilarious but totally sincere. Like I said, it's too much for you. '” MFC
File next to: The return of me going on about 'œRazamanaz'? as if it's some sort of obligation.

Jason & Jonny, Boy Detectives

WHITE CHICKS

(directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans, starring Shawn + Marlon Wayans)

JONNY: To summarize, the latest Wayans brothers joint stars Shawn and Marlon as two bumbling FBI officers from the '˜hood who go undercover as ditzy rich twin hotel heiresses, to prevent their kidnapping at a big reunion party in the Hamptons. Maybe I've just seen that overwrought preview too many times, but in disguise they look more like the droids from I, Robot than Paris and Nicole or the Olsen twins. I dunno, do you feel like you laughed more than the film actually demanded? It's fun getting swept away by the rowdy Paramount audience, who competed with the movie for laughs '” like the guy beside me who said 'œnow that just ain't right'? when Marlon stuffed his face with chicken wings while on the date with Terry Crews as 'œBuffy the White Girl Slayer.'? White Chicks is mostly standard-issue toilet humour and slapstick, but Crews steals the movie with his greased-up Mandingo-at-the-beach appearance, robo-rave dancing and spirited Vanessa Carlton singalong.

JASON: Jonny, you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you... tonight. Damn, that song slays me every time. It also counts as one of about five genuinely clever bits in the movie, which is at least three more than the very worst of the Wayans oeuvre: the wickedly painful Scary Movie 2. The first one not being much of a masterpiece, either '” I'd never have guessed that the Wayans would someday have me pining for the relative sophistication of In Living Color. But having been warned that White Chicks was horrendous, I was surprised whenever it wasn't. Other lines I like: 'œHold my poodle!'? 'œIt's not just a bag '” it's Prada!'? and (said by a woman in all seriousness after explaining how she got tossed in jail after trying to find a Bennifer hideaway) 'œInvestigative journalism is my passion.'? I'd also put White Chicks ahead of the year's other tasteless remake of Some Like It Hot, Connie & Carla. The sexual dynamics were a little weirder here, too '” no matter how hard they tried to come off hetero even while dressed as albino skanks, Kevin (Shawn Wayans) was clearly the top and Marcus (Marlon Wayans) was definitely the bottom. Please discuss.

JONNY: Really? I thought they came off more like metros in the end. Especially in the final scene, which was genuinely sweet, since it was apparent there had been some real bonding between them and the trio of white-chick friends. Of course, most of the humour was attempting to play off the superficial black/white, male/female, upper/working class dynamics, but ultimately it downplayed them with a 'œwe can all get along'? Hollywood message. I feel ambivalent about this, since it's 'œposi,'? but also unchallenging. But hey, it's a comedy. With some fantastic farting.

JASON: My eyes watered just sitting there, I swear.