'œI spoke to Bernard of Femme Generation with delight as he is a young man who I admire in the ideology. Also, everyone should witness him smoulder. Especially me, as apparently I need to do more research. In more relevant terms, NOW magazine seems to have recently determined FG to be on the distinct up-and-up. But I don't care whoall else is in this band, because Bernard is a hero!'? '“ Kate McGee

OK, since you're always going on about how our bands write songs differently, how would you describe FG's songwriting process? Well first of all we're fiercely democratic, but prefer unanimity over majority. That basically means that we spend hours sitting there arguing over every possible idea until everyone is either happy or too battered to fight anymore. Some bands designate chief songwriters or submit to a dictatorial taskmaster. Both those methods are effective too, but that's not a dynamic that we can function under. Ours is a much slower process, but it fosters a brigade-like camaraderie you only see in old war movies. Other times the songs are passed to us by gnomes.

In terms of lyrical content, you seem to be fond of the postmodern. Or so I've heard. Are there any pomo thoughts you would care to share with the reading audience, enlightening-style? Or so you've heard? Don't you indie-rock snobs do your research? I thought postmodern was a dirty word these days. Forget this, I'm going to watch season one of Sesame Street on DVD.

Why 'œFemme'? generation? Care to express any insights on binary divisions of gender categories? We thought 'œHomo'? Generation was too obvious. What can I say, I've always been a somewhat of a girly-man. I have no interest in sports or deflowering virgins, Dodge Vipers don't give me a hard-on, my wrists are thinner than my fists, and I've never fully acquired a taste for beer. As for binary gender divisions, all I can say is that I've never cared for them. I did play with G.I. Joes, but my girlfriend can still kick my ass.

I notice you're not eating your toast. Can I have it? You're very perceptive. I like to make babies with perceptive people. What say you? Actually, a recent study in Germany discovered that refined white flour is worse for our bodies than previously thought. Not only is it far too high in simple sugars causing insulin spikes (diabetics beware), but it forms a sticky substance in the intestines and cardiovascular vessels, leading to constipation, deregulation of the digestive system, and heart disease. It's also known to contribute to the depletion of nutrients like the B vitamins and even mental disorders like mood swings and clinical depression. So yes, you can have my toast, but as a caring friend I recommend whole grain.

Feelings regarding French Canadians? And how was your recent mini-tour? Montreal is an amazingly beautiful place. Cobblestone streets are one thing, but apparently the government invests in populating the city with hot people. I don't know what it is, but everyone seems so well put together. Even the homeless scoffed at my tattered footwear. I believe the French are a philosophically accelerated culture, I really do. Their laidback attitude towards the vicissitudes of life is often mistaken for arrogance, but I think that's just envy on the part of Anglo moralists (the same crusty people that call radio stations to complain about Howard Stern). Whether it's a lady comforting a grieving friend with, 'œDon't be sad. Zat is what grandmoders do, zey die!'? or the Archbishop of Paris being comfortable with the idea that there's no such thing as truth, these are people to invite to your next house party. Oh yeah, and the show was great too. The second show actually took place in Ottawa, which (in a fitting allegory) is diametrically opposed to Montreal in every way. It's a city overrun by sports bars and brain-collapsingly boring architecture. The nightlife doesn't do anything to redeem it either. Picture a 'œGirls Gone Wild'? video, only everyone is dressed in polo shirts (without a shred of irony) and business-casual wear. Excise the nakedness and what you're left with is a bunch of drunken yuppies screaming in the streets because their Dad made them study law. And no one ever gets laid there, ever.