No Dynamics are the greatest band Toronto has ever seen. Calling them a cross between Royal Trux and The Gossip is reductive, but Jam Butty means it with the highest regard. The last show he went to he got pushed around, insulted, punished and belittled... and everybody left feeling sexually aroused, except for him, because he had to ask some questions. He passed notes to Vanessa Fischer, and she wrote back.

THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOUR BAND, YOU PLAYED A SONG THAT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS TEN MINUTES LONG. WHO ARE YOU, JETHRO TULL? The song we played was only eight minutes, and clearly, we aren't Jethro Tull.

WHAT INJURIES HAVE YOU SUFFERED FROM PERFORMING EVERY SHOW WASTED, HALF-NAKED AND BAREFOOT? Well, let's see. Usually I end up with bruises and some sort of blood somewhere. The worst bruise I had was one that started from just above my hip and went half way down my thigh. Oh and one time I stepped on a piece of glass and started bleeding all over the floor of Sneaky Dee's and the next day I had to go to the hospital to get the glass removed.

THE LAST TIME I SAW YOUR BAND, DANIEL MADE STATEMENTS TO THE EFFECT OF: "FUCK THE COMMUNITY." AFTER THE SHOW, HE ELABORATED: "BASICALLY,AS LONG AS ÔCOMMUNITY' EXISTS, WE WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER SHAGGS." GRANTED, HE WAS PROBABLY DRUNK AND MIGHT NOT HAVE MEANT IT. BUT ISN'T IT BETTER TO HAVE PEOPLE AROUND YOU? COMING TO YOUR SHOWS? ALLOWING YOU TO DRINK CHEAPLY AND EAT OUT THE NEXT DAY AND MEET ATTRACTIVE GIRLS? DANCING TO YOUR SONGS? DOWNLOADING YOUR MP3S? PLAYING YOUR MP3S AT DANCE PARTIES? RECEIVING (POSITIVE) COMPARISONS TO THE PUNISHER? THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLOIT YOUR SOCIAL GLORY DAYS TO THROW DANCE PARTIES? FREE MEALS? WOULD YOU FORSAKE ALL THIS FOR A LIFE IN SUDBURY, HOW MUCH NAIVETE DOES ONE NEED? Who said fuck the community? Everyone is so busy being cool, only supporting their friends and never noticing anything new. Every show becomes the same thing and you can't convince people to like it or come to your shows, unless so-and-so is in the band. The community is based on nepotism, bands get popular because of all the friends they have, not because they make good music. Yes it's great to have people around you, and a lot of the time people are so deserving of their success. But the music isn't fresh or engaging anymore; I'm so sick of the same local bands. And I don't feel that I'm na'¢ve because of all the things that people have offered - because not one of those things have been acted on.

IMPROVISE A STORY WITH THIS SCENARIO: YOU FOUR SHITHEADS ARE THE ONLY SURVIVORS OF A SINKING CRUISE SHIP. YOU SWIM TO A DESERTED, CORAL ISLAND. NO VEGETATION, NO MEANS TO CATCH FISH. VANESSA HAS A KNIFE, CARL HAS A COMB, DANIEL HAS A LIGHTER AND JEREMY IS NAKED. IT WILL BE TEN DAYS BEFORE YOU ARE RESCUED, IN THAT TIME, TWO PEOPLE WILL DIE, ONE WILL GO INSANE. GO. Hmm... Carl and Daniel will die in a Battle Royale that will be initiated when Daniel won't trade his lighter for Carl's comb, so that Carl can light his cigarettes. After they die and I have obtained both the comb and the lighter, I'll use my knife to pressure Jeremy into swimming in the ocean to find some sort of life, while I style my hair and smoke whatever they have left me. Shortly, a rescue boat will come and rescue me, but the people aboard the rescue boat will tell me that Jeremy's time in the salt water had an adverse effect on him and he isn't the same anymore. When I return to Toronto, I will write a book about the experience that will become a bestseller and I will buy the coral island that had claimed my bandmate's life.

PICK. SUNSHINE OR DARKNESS? DRUGS OR LONG LIFE? LIPSTICK OR LIP BALM? PSYCHEDELICS OR STIMULANTS? TOP OR BOTTOM? AGGRESSIVE PASSIVITY OR NON-AGGRESSIVE ACTIVITY? B.O. OR BAD COLOGNE? DOUBLE OR SINGLE? Darkness. Drugs. Lipstick. Stimulants. Bottom. Aggressive passivity. B.O. Triple.

Jam Butty