B.A. Johnston is a fat, lazy chud who writes sensitive songs on his guitar about poutine and girls. He recently signed a 60-album, $50 million record contract with Just Friends records, and released a new album called My Heart is a Blinking Nintendo. His Wavelength appearance is just one of many Greyhound stops on his current cross-Canada tour. Shaunna Bednarek and he exchanged a couple of emails before he hit the road.

RIGHT NOW, I'M SITTING AROUND IN PYJAMAS, DRINKING A FIVE-ALIVE JUICEBOX AND LISTENING TO THAT AWESOME NELLY AND TIM MCGRAW SONG. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
I'm sitting at the Just Friends headquarters using their computer, emailing you. After this, I will watch SCTV and eat chips. Later, I will go and eat sushi pizza then drink heavily. I woke up at 11:30 and ate some eggs. They were okay. It was in a seedy bar called Gus Pub. They have tons of video gambling machines, which I never play.

SO, YOU'VE MOVED OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S PLACE IN HAMILTON, AND NOW YOU'RE IN HALIFAX. HOW'S THAT GOING FOR YOU?
Halifax is okay, but things are more expensive here and there are lots of call centres. I thought lobsters would play a bigger role in my daily life, but sadly, they do not. But Halifax is cool and nice, though they are scared of snow here, which is funny. They don't like to walk in it. Maybe they are wimps. Maybe not.

YOUR TOUR IS CALLED "THE NO FANS, NO MONEY, NO CHICKS, NO CAR MEGA-TOUR." IS THIS IN HOPES THAT THIS WILL BE THE TOUR WHERE YOU GAIN ANY, OR ALL OF THEABOVE?The name of my tour was a joke that now is not funny. I mean, it sounded funny when I first said it. It was a take off from my tour with Falconhawk, when Kara Keith would say, "If you guys see any more money or pussy on this tour, you are gonna die." She was being ironic. This tour, I would like to lose my crippling fear of women. That would be aces. Money is nice, as well. Driving is secondary on the bus. I can sleep, like a giant moving sketchy RV.

TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW ALBUM. The new album came out on Jan. 20, on my 30th birthday. It's called My Heart is a Blinking Nintendo, and it's out on Just Friends Records and Dead Bum Recordings. It has songs about the pizza man, pirates and Kryptonite on it. It's slammin', son. It has drums and everything. And secrets, too.

I READ THAT YOU'VE GOT A JOB AS A TEMPURA FRYER AT A JAPANESE RESTAURANT. THAT MUST RULE. Japanese restaurants are the best - equal tip splits. I mean, I am richer these days than King Midas. I get to eat good food and tons of rice, and since they do not speak English well, they can't get too mad at me. Which is great as well, `cause I am incompetent and should be fired. Well, I am improving and I learned cool things to say like "agedashi."

OKAY, YOUR CHOICES ARE AVRIL LAVIGNE, SUSAN HAY FROM GLOBAL TV AND BUSY FROM READY OR NOT. WHO WOULD YOU EAT POUTINE WITH, WHO WOULD YOU DANCE TO "STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" WITH, AND WHO WOULD YOU BRING HOME TO MEET YOUR MOM? All of those women frighten me. I mean, am I supposed to, like, pick one? And my mom doesn't like me dating girls she doesn't know. Is Susan Hay a weather person, or something? Maybe her, then, `cause she could let me know when it's gonna snow. And stuff. And Avril is, like, too young for me, maybe.

BY SHAUNNA BEDNAREK