D.E.B.S.
(written + directed by Angela Robinson, starring Sara Foster + Jordana Brewster

JONNY: Boy Detectives vs. Girl Spies! Dude, we're outnumbered and out-hotted. I went into this assignment expecting Sassy Powers in plaid mini-skirts. But nowhere in the marketing material does it let on that -- spoiler alert! -- D.E.B.S. is actually a full-on lesbian love story. As the indistinguishable trailer and lead reel explain, the D.E.B.S. are a secret agency full of nubile hotties recruited using an espionage-aptitude test hidden in the SATs. Relations between our head squad are pretty standard: Romijn-Stamos-esque Amy (Sara Foster) gets into power struggles with Tyra-esque Max (Meaghan Good), while real-life supermodel Devon Aoki's Parisian Dominique chainsmokes and gawky Janet (Jill Ritchie) kvetches. It's not until Amy falls for supervillain Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster, barely seen since '98's awesome B-teen classic The Faculty) that there's any indication this could the secret pink triangle film of the year. I mean, they sing along to Erasure, and it even tops the Vanessa Carlton lip-sync scene in White Chicks!

JASON: The fact that Jordana sings "A Little Respect" into the end of a pool cue seemed rather phallic to me -- perhaps a veiled attempt to reassert the fact that she was a hetero actress badly in need of a career boost who was merely pretending to be a lesbian supervillain with a vendetta against Australia? As a spy-movie-parody-slash-gay-recruitment-manifesto, D.E.B.S. offers so much to think about. Or, if you happen to see it in a red state, get angry about -- it's like The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie... if SpongeBob and Patrick got to second base! But I gotta say, as much as I enjoyed D.E.B.S., seeing pretty ladies with big guns just doesn't do it for me any more. Whatever happened to a good ol' catfight with knives?

JONNY: Yeah, I gotta say the action was the weakest part of this flick. You gotta wonder what was actually concealed in those SATs, because the supposed super-spies were outstanding in their inability to conceal themselves. But the comedy was top-notch -- how can you resist dialogue like, "they're all calling you a hero, when really you're a slut -- a gay slut." Also, I love a movie where you can spot the age of the music supervisor. With "Another Girl, Another Planet" by The Only Ones featured prominently on the soundtrack, and followed up closely by "Love Cats," I'd have to say 33.

JASON: Actually, the whole movie seems born an ambition that must date back to the days of Sassy magazine -- "Gee, wouldn't it be awesome to make a big fun teen movie with a subversive yet positive message about sexual identity?" The trouble is, by' the time they got around to doing the movie, the whole same-sex-hot-teen angle was way five minutes ago -- even the girl-on-Marissa subplot on this season's O.C. seemed wicked stale. Clearly we're running out of taboos here. I gotta give D.E.B.S. props for twisting one new cliche by presenting a primo gay-best-friend character then revealing that he's straight -- or maybe just bi.

BY JASON & JONNY, BOY DETECTIVES