Picture this: You're at a bar, the music's loud and the crowd is jammed in like sardines. Feeling kinda buzzed, you scan the room and suddenly the haze of cigarette smoke clears and there appears'¦ him. He says his name was Jesse or Jose or something. It was hard to catch because the music was too loud. Sure, he looks a bit shaggy and that beard is kind of icky, and what the fuck is up with that gown thing? Whatever. He's got a nice smile and holds good conversation. After a few drinks and some magic tricks with your glass of water, next thing you know it, you've both made it back to your place. And it's hot. It's heavy. With his tongue masterfully covering every inch of your body, it's clear this man is a master orator. Suddenly, the temptation becomes too much to handle, you writhe on your bed as he unveils his blessed member. As you press your pecs together, he thrusts until finally, as he showers you with holy ejaculate, you scream yes, Yes, YES'¦. OH MY GOD, TIT FUCK ME JESUS!!!

Now imagine that phenomenal rush of carnal ecstasy as a powerful punk/metal band. That's what this naughty four-piece from Toronto are like: an unstoppable juggernaut of tease, sleaze and explosive energy. So damn good you need a smoke after it's done.

WHEN I HEAR THE BAND'S NAME, I GET A CRAZY MENTAL PICTURE. WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO SEE GET A GOOD TITTY-FUCKING FROM THE SON OF GOD HIMSELF?
Not sure, we honestly don't think of the name in a literal (porn) sense. It's more of a catch phrase to rattle people's minds and to think about and discuss in that "are we all slaves begging for another beating?" kind of stoner talk we all know and can't help but love. A name like "Tit Fuck Me Jesus" doesn't leave the mind easily.

IS IT STILL POSSIBLE TO OFFEND PEOPLE THESE DAYS, OR DO YOU FEAR THAT YOUR BAND MIGHT BE SEEN AS JUST A NOVELTY?
Yes, and not really. People can barely even say our name out loud. It's too hideous. Our music is too triumphant to be seen as novelty.

WHAT'S UP WITH PUNK BANDS IN TORONTO THESE DAYS? IT SEEMS THAT MANY SIMILAR SOUNDING BANDS ARE FROM OUTSIDE THE GTA. WHO GETS THE TFMJ SEAL OF APPROVAL?
We don't know, we think most punk bands suck shit. That's why we play metal. Converge and Judas Priest get our seal of approval.

DESCRIBE THE TIT FUCK ME JESUS LIVE EXPERIENCE. WHAT CAN PEOPLE EXPECT FROM YOUR SET?
A screeching hellfire of abusive pounding. Our latest offerings are titled: "Melchizedek/Unicorns Kiss" and "Witchcraft through the Ages". Sounds good eh?

WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED DURING A TFMJ SET?
We played a now legendary show to a large art crowd (yawn) on Gerrard St. and as the last song was ending, Kevin smashed a paper mache cross with the word "DeBurgh" written on it, into a huge fan spraying us and the crowd with gold glitter. Awesome.

OKAY, TFMJ ARE PORN DIRECTORS FILMING AN ORGY SCENE. THE PLAYERS ARE JESUS (NATCH), MARGARET TRUDEAU, LITTLE RICHARD, LEEZA GIBBONS AND POPE JOHN PAUL II'S DEAD BODY. OBJECTS IN USE ARE A POOL CUE, THREE ORANGES, SOME MAPLE SYRUP, AND ONE OF THOSE JIZZ SHOOTING STRAP-ON DILDOS. DESCRIBE THE SCENE. WHO GETS WHAT WITH WHAT?
This scenario has nothing to do with our music, we're not even being used as the soundtrack, so we'd probably leave.

By Mike Perreault