When I was in the first grade, I was really into the Beach Boys. My teacher, Mme. Gardner told me that she was going to see them and I replied that I had already seen them with my family before. Wow, I impressed her. I normally didn't like her much (she looked like a witch) but I finally had formed some sort of connection with her. This was great, I was IN! A's all across the board for me. Then came parent-teacher interviews. After the standard banter about my progress and demeanor, Mme. Gardner and my folks got to talking about the Beach Boys thing. Then the bomb dropped. They told her that we had never seen the Beach Boys before. The next day, my teacher confronted me. 'œYou lied to me. Why did you lie about seeing the Beach Boys?'? I replied that I just wanted to have something in common, that I wanted her to like me. After that, I had lost her respect. She went back to being a mean old crabby teacher that scared the shit out of all the students. I later did end up seeing the Beach Boys with my family when I was 11, and in some ironic and twisted way I found some closure. There, Mme. Gardner, I've seen them now. It's over.

This story doesn't have much to do with the Vermicious Knid. In fact, I don't even think they sound like the Beach Boys. Maybe a little bit. I'm pretty sure that they're nicer guys than Mme. Gardner, though. Tim Ford of the Knid did however send me the best answers to my questions ever. Big ups to my main men in Brantford Massive. My tallie of Beck's is empty.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING WITH THE KNID OF LATE?

Breathing last breaths, finishing finishes, saving cities, losing hometowns, loving Neil Young, loving getting sweaters out of the toy trunk, ducking bounty hunters, finding cats in alleys, wishing we were cats in alleys, loving the new Kepler album.

ARE YOU GUYS STARTING TO GETTING TIRED OF PEOPLE ASKING ABOUT THE NAME?

Never ever never. I'm just happy they didn't mention the name in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie.

HOW DO YOU SEE THE VERMICIOUS KNID FITTING INTO TODAY'S MUSICAL LANDSCAPE?

I would like to believe we are the sign on the windy road that tells when and where the road will steer. But unfortunately I think we're more of a stop sign, or at best a faded yield sign. We understand we're not the next Velvet Underground... hopefully we're not the next anything.

CAN BRANTFORDIANS ROCK AS HARD AS TORONTONIANS? WHY OR WHY NOT?

Dear Mike, thank you for asking the most perfect question ever: I think Brantford rocks harder and sweatier than any big city. It's like when a thirsty man receives water. A starving man his supper. Toronto has been pigging out for years and takes advantage of the fact that they feed on roasts and glorious deserts every night, where Brantford has been starving for all time, and when they are given even the smallest of crumbs, they treat it like a feast. Yes... that is a challenge.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO BRING TO THE TABLE WHEN YOU PLAY THE WAVELENGTH SET AT SNEAKY DEE'S?

Sweat. Dance. Small town smiles. Hugs. Kisses. Touches. New CD's and 7"s. Money for Beef Terminal merch. Starving stomachs. Now let me ask YOU dear Michael, what is Toronto bringing to the table?! Yes, that is a challenge. (Disclaimer: all challenges are friendly, non-threatening challenges.)

IF YOUR BAND WAS A PIZZA, WHAT INGREDIENT WOULD EACH MEMBER BE?

I think Brian would be the oregano or even the whole saucy sauce. The spice and the taste of the band. Jesse would be the crust. He keeps us form falling into the hells of the oven. Is crust an ingredient? Ryan would be the cheese. A must in any pizza band. I would be the unwanted hair. I kid. Obviously the cheese, man!!! The fucking cheese!!!

by Mike Perreault