This interview was hard! I got the assignment only days before the deadline and met Mike Perrault, guitarist and lead beard for Oh The Humanity, at a party where he told me about all the types of interview questions he hates. The only 'œresearch'? information I could dig up was a sarcastic conversation on StillePost.ca and the band's MySpace site (www.myspace.com/ohthehumanity), where I discovered that listening to their music made me viscerally afraid. Now I understand what people are feeling when they say, Oh The Humanity!

People videotape humans being born all the time, but never bands. If some nervous father had been on hand to record Oh The Humanity from the delivery room to its first steps, what would the footage look like?

The videotape would be mostly awkward and boring with little glimpses of chaos and mayhem. Long, frustrating periods of stuff you don't really wanna watch. Oh The Humanity was started twice in two different cities and with mostly different individuals (we formed in the fall of 2004 in North Bay, Ontario, then again in September of this year in Toronto with three new members). Needless to say, we've had a lot of down time. Nobody actually wants to watch hours of footage of their babies doing nothing. First steps are film-worthy, just like first shows, but not every single minute of someone's existence.

What do you say about your band-mates behind their back? This is just between you, me, and the electrons.

I don't, we say stuff to each others faces. It's better to be honest about anything and work it out rather than let things linger and fester. That's a better way to progress as a working unit and as people.

Listening to your music for the first time, particularly 'œ26 rooms in 22 years'? the dominant feeling it incited was fear. You've tapped into my fight or flight instinct, now I want to know what you intend to do with it.

We've got you scared, and that's good. We've got you right where we want you. We hope that the music digs deep and bores right through you to find the deeper, darker parts of your soul. All the things that make you uncomfortable, all your regrets, your fears, the things people hate about themselves, we want you to feel those emotions. Whether it's with the music or the lyrics, you won't be feeling bright and happy when you hear it. And we will not let you go. We are the soundtrack to your disgust.

Are the recordings you posted on your myspace site representative of your current sound?

I think so, but only to a certain degree. The studio environment can be very sterile. And so our live show is much more indicative of who we are as a band. The energy we bring to a live show can't be recreated and put to tape. You can feel it, taste it in the air. It's visceral and as impossible as it might seem, that's part of our 'sound'.

Oh the Humanity claims to be 'œeither the worst hardcore band in the world, or the best new metal band that has ever existed.'? Who would rank second in both those categories? Second worst hardcore band / second best metal band.

For both answers I'll have to go with Montreal's POWER.

On November 5th of this year, you were officially declared 'œthe best funk band in Toronto'? by none other than Mr. Dylan 'œis the enemy'? Reibling. Your victory speech, please'¦

Thank you to Dylan and everyone for the award for best funk band in Toronto, we never thought we'd have the support of the deaf community but wow... this is great. We hope people take this as inspiration that you don't have to sound even remotely like a funk band to win this award! THANK YOU! (Seriously though, I love funk. I listen to it as much as I do heavy music.)

What will be the 'œwatchword'? for January's Wavelength performance?

"Splash Zone". In the handful of gigs we've played so far, we've already managed to draw several different types of bodily fluids during our set: sweat, blood, spit, tears and wet panties! Bring a towel...

by Evan Dickson