A ne'er-do-well exploits his gentle daughter's beauty for social advancement in this masterpiece of tragic fiction. Hardy's 1891 novel defied convention to focus on the rural lower class for a frank treatment of sexuality and religion. Then and now, his sympathetic portrait of a victim of Victorian hypocrisy offers compelling reading.

THOMAS HARDY'S NOVEL MAKES A HEROINE OUT OF A SIMPLE GIRL. TESS DURBEYFIELD, THE DAUGHTER OF A NEARLY EXTINCT NOBLE LINE, LEADS A LIFE OF HEAVY RESPONSIBILITY WHERE HER IMPOVERISHED FAMILY IS CONCERNED. AT THE BEHEST OF HER PARENTS, SHE SEEKS ASSISTANCE FROM THE D'URBERVILLES WHO ARE, SUPPOSEDLY, RELATIVES.

Her parents kept emailing us and we eventually broke down and told them about an all-ages show that we were playing out of town. Tess showed up, sulked around for a bit, and then asked us for a ride home. We told her there wasn't any room in the van but she was persistent and eventually convinced us to let her stow away inside the kick drum. We aren't really her relatives and are honestly considering a name change if her and her folks don't stop bothering us.

HARDY'S NARRATIVE IS A POWERFUL ONE IN THIS PARTICULAR TALE. IT IS CLEAR THAT THIS IS TESS'S STORY AND WE, AS READERS, WITNESS HER PAINFUL JOURNEY. THROUGH HIS SUBTLE AND UNDERSTATED USE OF IRONY, WE COME TO REALIZE THE HYPOCRISY OF ANGEL AND WONDER ABOUT THE DIABOLICAL NATURE OF ALEC.

Alec's band used to practice down the hall from us. They stole all of our patch cables, drank the rest of our gin, and then split town. Apparently Alec and Tess had a 'œthing'? a while back, but we don't know much about that'”she hasn't left the kick drum in weeks. You're right about Angel too, what a douche.

I LIKED THE PART WHEN ALEC HAD BEEN REFORMED AND TESS DISCOVERED HIM PREACHING TO THE METHODISTS WITHOUT THINKING THAT HE WAS ANY BETTER FOR ALL THE THINGS HE WAS TRYING TO SAY. SOMEHOW ALEC GETTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THINGS WAS STILL ALEC, AND HE WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO BE HAPPY THAN TO PREACH ALL THE TIME.

If you call sniffing coke off of toilet seats at the CNE reformed, then sure, he's reformed.

D.H. LAWRENCE TRIED TO UNDERSTAND THIS BOOK IN UNFULFILLED MALE AND FEMALE PRINCIPLES AND ARISTOCRATIC PRINCIPLES WHICH ISOLATED TESS AND ALEC D'URBERVILLE.

Part of the trouble with Alec started when he kept pressuring our drummer to buy another kick so he and Tess could hang out more often. Between pressing our new EP and paying Tess' weekly allowance we didn't have much money to throw around for new equipment, no matter how unfulfilled that asshole claimed to be. Goddamn aristocrats.

MORALITY IS SUBJECT TO SOME ROLLING BLACKOUTS IN THIS BOOK. AT THE END, THE LAW STEPPED IN AND MADE SURE THAT THE DESTRUCTION WAS MUTUAL.

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seriously, if we'd known that she was going to be afraid of the dark, we never would have brought her home in the first place.

I'M GLAD THIS BOOK HAS BEEN APPRECIATED SO LONG THAT I FINALLY READ IT. IT WAS AN INVOLVEMENT THAT WENT FURTHER THAN JUST FEELING LIKE A BARNYARD.

We still haven't read it.

WAS THIS REVIEW HELPFUL TO YOU?

Hardly. Get it? Hardy?? No??? Aw shit'¦

By Evan Dickson