Nick Fraser and Justin Haynes have been pretending to play music together for 15 years. Also known as Nick Fraser and Justin Haynes are Faking It; this Wavelength show could conceivably end with Nick and Justin doing each other in on stage'”not an easy act to follow. Emily Gove tries (and fails) to get drummer Nick Fraser to play nice.

Who are you and what are you faking?

We are pretending to play music.

Last year you did an experiment integrating theatrical elements with your musical performance. How did that go, and do you still incorporate these elements in your live show?

You can read our report at http://nightswimmingtheatre.com. I'd rather not talk about it.

Have you ever had a performance go horribly wrong?

All of our performances have gone horribly wrong.

I have heard you described as "insane". Explain.

Who the fuck told you that? I want names.

As a musician, you're a 'creative improviser'. Do you 'creatively improvise' in other areas, for instance, cooking? I think that creatively improvising a soufflé would really impress a girl.

Improvisation is the great haven of the un-imaginative. To improvise in front of an audience is just to rip them off. There is no greater crime in creative work. Some of us work hard at what we do and so-called "improvisers" make a mockery of us.

What is Justin doing right this very moment?

I imagine he's experiencing a vague, undefined sense of panic.

If your music was a pie, what flavour would it be?

A shit pie. The flavour of shit. Like when you perform oral sex on a piece of shit coming out of someone's ass. You have to be so gentle'¦

If your music were a sweater, would it be itchy?

What are you talking about?

I don't like anything without handclaps. Convince me to come to your show in five words or less.

People might clap.

By Emily Gove