The Wolverine is the largest land-dwelling species of the Mustelidae or weasel family (the aquatic South American giant otter is larger). The wolverine is also called the glutton or carcajou. It is the only species currently classified in the genus Gulo (meaning “glutton"). The wolverine has been recognized as endangered since 2003. It has been hunted because of the fine quality of its pelt and fierce pounding nature of its ghetto beats and catchy killer yelps. The wolverine is the most ferocious of the Mustelidae, and has been known to kill animals as large as a moose. It prefers to avoid humans but Matt Thomas slid on his big rubber boots and fuzzy hat and attempted to learn more about nature’s elusive party animals.<!--more-->

Names/Roll Call/Spirit Animal

Hulk Carol Oates: Yelling, Bald eagle.
Aaron Ulysses: Yelling, Impala.
Meatball: Yelling, Badger.

Wolverine is a wild name; what do you prey on and how do you mate?

We eat and fuck the same way - Popeye’s.

Tell us about your illustrious record label Jennifer Lopez Knife. What are its goals? Who does it hope to sign in the future?

JLK’s goals have always been to “put out music no one in their right mind would put out on a label, ever.” That used to mean Currently In These United States, but that band got too good and Matt Collins had to break it up. We’re hoping to put out another Bad Bands compilation in a couple of months called “Bad Bands International", and a Riptorns live record. In the future, we’d like to sign The Crabmen and 123Ten, and possibly The Assdroids or Daiquiri.

Describe your sound like you were narrating a National Geographic special.

“The elder males of the band have taken to mocking the young female until she explodes with violence, killing the weaker of the two. Suddenly, a Serval, aroused by the carnage, attacks the young female and the second elder male escapes, knowing that this will be all of his days until his death at the age of seven.”

Other than the tearing of flesh from bone what can we expect from your live show?

Our new vibe: crooning.

In a culture constantly looking for definitions, please define the word “Ghettotech”.

Not our place. Ask DJ Assault. Wait, here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghettotech

How will you prevent your possible extinction when they build a Bohemian condo on top of your homeland?

It’ll never happen. You can’t fuck with Bloorcourt.

By Matt Thomas