WL 363 – Sunday, May 13 – 12am
Purveyors of: Hell’s Vegans

Chris Colohan is living proof that growing up doesn’t have to cost you your edge. The guys is vegan and goes to the gym and is married but he still chugs around the country in filthy vans crammed with filthy mans in order to scream at people. At the same time as he’s screaming with his face, his bros are screaming with their instruments and all that screaming together makes Cursed. Even though they work together, Evan Dickson questioned Chris via email, because they are both technocrats.

Please introduce the band by instrument and favourite horror flick.

Okay, so Christian McMaster plays guitars. Dangerous Dan Dunham plays bass. Mike Max plays the drums. And the pubescent shrieking is my department. Favorite horror movie? I can’t speak for my compatriots but I’d put it somewhere between The Changeling, Tombs of the Blind Dead and Black Sunday.

With the notable exception of Dylan Reibling’s reign as booker, hardcore bands have been few and far between at Wavelength. What makes you so fucking special?

Extra toes. Also, we’ve always had more fun at Wavelengths than our usual T.O. shows. I like mixing us up with different kinds of bands, and Dees is a really familiar place to play, for all of us. Furthermore, this is the first T.O. show we've played since last fall, and it's a 7" release show. Failing that, I was born with one undescended testicle which did eventually drop but gave me a dickens of a time and required several surgeries. True story, I still consider Neuticles. And Mike can drink about 1,200 beers and still play drums. I think there's something to be said for that.

You gave me a pin with a devil on it. Are you guys, like, Satanists or something?

Firstly Evan, it was a corsage. Second, No. Satanism is weak, it's just closet Christianity. The he-goat is from an old British horror movie. He’s been with us for all these years. In real life, we’re into way heavier shit, like Candomblé, Santeria and Macramé.

Building on the previous question, do you think that goats get a bad rap (scapegoat, goat-horned demons, etc…)? After all, they do eat garbage. They’re like the garbagemen of the animal kingdom, but they never go on strike.

A good point, the gears of capitalism are indeed oiled with the sweat of the worker. I'd like to see sloths make a comeback.

Now, to round out my occult questions, have you ever actually been cursed, or are you all talk? Cuz I know people who have and they don’t make it into a big deal.

Dude, when your van is smouldering on the side of a Texas highway 25 out of 40 days into one of eight tours, your whole merch shipment gets ripped off in Las Vegas and you go all the way to NYC without anything to sell for money except your lily-white ass, for weeks, and when your hammered drummer doesn’t properly lock the trailer door and your shit gets strewn across a six-lane highway and demolished by 18-wheelers in a near-death experience, and something like that every day, for years…yeah, you get to thinking that maybe Jah heard all the nasty shit you ever said about Him and wants you dead. But I hear what you’re saying. “There’s No Jah. You’re a Pussy. Suck it up. Grow a Pair.” Truth be told, we’ve been thinking of changing our name to something more indie, either RobotWitchWolf, I AM the Internet or Grim Raper. You know, really Turn Some Heads in The Industry. Really “increase our visibility in the secondary markets” and just “Move Maximum Units of The Product”.

I noticed that you put up a poster for this show at Suspect Video, where we both work. Many bands don’t make posters for their Wavelength shows. Do you think this is weird? Do you have a different approach because you come from the hardcore scene?

This question is pretty post-modern. I’m from the old school, the land of time before cellphones, the internet, and Flavor Of Love. I like to go to Kinkos at 3am and make flyers. My different approach is pretty much like “Fuck It. I’m going to put this flyer here.” And bam, I just go for it. I’m a Capricorn, and so I’m naturally outgoing and I like to take chances. I like to take it back to the old school. I think I get that from my grandmother. She is American. She still says “the Coloreds” and “Chinkee”. She'll be kicking it old school to the very end.

Thanks, Chris. In closing, say some tediously nice or scandalously mean things about the other bands on your bill.

I don't know Flotilla; I only know that they have a harp. Let me think about this one for a minute. Ooh, okay, I got one: "GAAA-AAAA-YYYYY!" That work? No, seriously. Jonny says they're great; I was all "make it so". It's good to mix it up. And Sailboats are our bros. Not to be confused with these guys - BROS:

By Evan Dickson