Sounds like: A fire hydrant gushing liquefied kale and tomatoes into the street, but you know, like, a band.
File next to: The King Khan & BBQ Show, Jay Reatard, Obits
Playing: Friday (May 15) @ Handlebar for Wavelength’s May Long Weekend Blowout

The Pucumber Sasssquash Family Band are a six-piece made up of some Hamilton heavy-hitters with members who have been, or are currently, parts of such wonderful acts as GORP, Golden Lake Diner, and Sensei. It’s quite the pedigree and these guys sure know how to answer a questionnaire, as you will see below…if you dare.Their first release kicks asssquash and you can listen to it here (https://pucumber.bandcamp.com/) or watch it happen in front of your face this Friday as part of Wavelength’s May Long Weekend Blowout at Handlebar.

Who are the members of the family, their special moves, catchphrases, and superpowers?

• · Zucchini Jackson plays the vocal major chord, makes a flying pretzel and says "kudos!"
• · Anniechoke rips the bass table saw, casts a spell, tells a joke and eats all the pizza!
• · Joshua Rad Radish strings the armpit guitar farkestra and scissor-kicks your math homework into smithereens!
• · Asarahguts blasts the boobslap guitar attack into the 17th quarter floor of oblivion and makes babies!
• · DJ Castrated Eggplant mashes 88 fingers into your tickle spot and says things you don't understand!
• · Potadre Celeriasis beats the beats the beets, says "ow" and falls over!

What does your live show consist of typically? Costumes? No pants? Extra pants? Any non-traditional instrumentation, etc?

Pants happen along with dresses and sometimes under dresses, horseheads, unitards, beanies, underbeanies, muumuus, the tragedy of existence, popsicles, saxophones, sandwiches, lobsters and not a lobsters.

Are you good for me, and how many servings are part of a balanced diet?

All of them! We endorse six essential nutriments and vegetables along with 40 chews and 20 hours of swimming. Remember, there is no "diet" without DIE. Just kidding, don't die, ok??

Talk to me about “jazz hands.”

Jazz hands will reach down your pants.

Talk to me a bit more about “jazz hands,” but while doing jazz hands?

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Have you guys considered making live juicing / smoothie prep part of your live show at all?

We tend to do a fair amount of live juicing if you know what I mean, because I have no idea what I mean. There tends to be a lot of sweat, which serves well with sweatbreads. Smoothies are ok, but we likes the lumps.

How the hell did you record your debut LP? It’s delightfully lo-fi.

Nick Johannes of The Kettle Black and Get Off the Cop recorded it at his house, which also doubles as The White House, which is a venue in Hamilton and also where the President lives because he is the President. We mixed it ourselves and then added a layer of compost to overwinter twice, dug it up and served with slaw.

The group vocals on songs like “Asparagus Mouth” are the best. You guys sound like you’re having a shitload of fun out there. Bonus question: How much asparagus was in your mouths? Please answer in pounds.

Pound pound pound, pound pound pound pound. The group vocals happen live, I think, it's hard to tell. I don't know if you've ever grown asparagus, but it grows like a laser beam and makes that "vvvv" sound with the quickness, kind of like DJ Castrated Eggplant rippin' a laser saw solo when nobody's looking. You should all really be looking.

Real talk: Is a Pucumber when you throw up a bunch of cucumbers? I feel like that wouldn’t taste that bad, cucumbers are good even on the way out, you feel me?

Pucumber was an abbr. of Pucusticumberbund, which is an auditory sensation and also goes around your waist to keep your pants on for when you go to the pants-on dance with your sweetie. Cucumbers are like alligator-skinned crunchy slimeseed water basted in vague life essence, which is okay, I guess.

Hamilton seems jam-packed with rad music, and also: Chesters Beers of the World. But yet, there’s so much more. What are some misconceptions you hear folks have about the Hammer?

What many people don't understand is that the Hammer is really just an actual hammer, which can be a painful surprise. There are 52 waterfalls and so much awesome hiking and nature, and lovely folks and music and things that taste a lot everywhere. I don't know, what are people saying?

They’re saying good things. When’s the proper full-length coming? And what’s next for The Pukes? (that’s an abbreviation of your name)

Well, we gotta get the beans in and take the chickens out for new hairstyles and slop the buckets and maybe have some more babies and raise a barn. Album #2 is stewing in salty juices and well, now it's bike gang season so we'll be away until the pumpkins start pumpking. [ed: so probably the fall?]

Hey in that vein — your fans: should we call them Pukies or whaddya think?

Our fans are our friends and tend to be a sasssy bunch of octopi, so we call them what their Moms called them, and we tell them to call their Moms!

Celery: myth?

Potadre Celeriasis lives every moment with a debilitating illness. Crunchy string water is for real.

Hit me one last time.

We are honoured to have the crisitunity to stew around with the Torontoids and we will be armed with defibrillators and hugs and arms.

Holy frijoles, don’t miss The Pucumber Sasssquash Family Band at Wavelength's May Long Weekend Blowout this Friday, May 15th at Handlebar (159 Augusta)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aaaah

- Interview by Dean Williams